Пластическая операция глазами мужчины

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Когда-то я мечтал проколоть себе мочку уха. Как бы я смотрелся с сережкой в форме маленького серебряного колечка! Но страх перед болью (инфекцией, гангреной, смертью) пересилил. Скромное, но милое ювелирное изделие в ухе стал носить мой друг. И все стали называть его красивым, а я так и остался просто симпатичным.

Пластическая операция глазами мужчины

Любой человек независимо от пола мечтает произвести внешний эффект. Но мужчин это желание греет, женщин — испепеляет. Да и параметры красоты у нас разные. Мужчина не знает, что такое в понимании женщины мешки под глазами. Мужчина способен только на самое общее впечатление. Женщина сконцентрирована на деталях. Она смотрится в зеркало и сокрушается, что у нее морщинки, и ты, решая проявить внимательность, тоже заглядываешь в зеркало, чтобы увидеть эти «следы печали» на любимом лице и участливо подтвердить: «Да, милая, морщинки!» — и теряешься. Кто ее знает, что она имеет ввиду: эти складочки в уголках глаз, придающие ее взгляду насмешливое и умное выражение, или эти — в уголках губ, благодаря которым она всегда как бы приветливо улыбается. Чтобы не попасть впросак, ты молчишь. В твоем мужском понимании морщины естественны. Ты ведь не с фарфоровой куклой живешь! Та — гладкая, но пустая; а твоя женщина заключает в себе душу, за которую, кстати, ты ее и полюбил… Ты можешь рассуждать так сколько угодно, но, если она вдруг решит, что ей пора сделать «подтяжку» — оставь надежды отговорить ее. Народная мудрость («не родись красивой», «с лица воду не пить» и т.д.) ее огорчает: «Так, значит, ты живешь с уродиной?!». Заявление, что тебя подобное несовершенство в ней устраивает, к обсуждению не принимается: она делает это не для тебя. Это нужно ей, а все, что нужно тебе — смириться. Ты вздыхаешь и семенишь к шикарному подъезду института красоты. На разведку.

Мое представление о пластической хирургии сложилось под влиянием фильма «Без лица». Компьютер, лазер, вакуумные маски и, черт знает, что еще, и через несколько часов жирный Траволта просыпается худым Кейджем. И ни шрамов, ни синяков. И все уже зажило. Вот это я понимаю. Но реальность оказалась несколько иной.

В фойе все как в обычной поликлинике: регистратура, гардероб. Информационные щиты по стенам. Перечень услуг, фамилии специалистов. На одном из щитов, в нижней его части — фотографии. Люблю картинки во всех проявлениях. Даже среди журналов мои любимые — где больше картинок и меньше текста… Склоняю голову, изучаю снимки. Фотографии двух женщин «до» и «после» (как в рекламках средств для похудания). В левой части женщины смеются, в правой — серьезны. Что могло испортить им настроение? Неожиданное выздоровление начальника, или капля гранатового сока, погубившая купленную вчера кашемировую блузку? Читаю заголовок: «Избавление от мимических морщин с помощью инъекций препарата B…». Пытаюсь выяснить, в чем суть процедуры? Оказывается, в некоторые мышцы лица, которые постоянно напряжены, вводят порцию яда (не цианистый калий и не синильную кислоту, но все-таки…). Мышцы благополучно немеют и расслабляются. Наверное, женщины, подвергшиеся этой процедуре, рассуждали так: подумаешь, пара-тройка мышц! Если верить рекламе, у нас их 650 с лишним! Красота требует жертв, знаете ли. Но меня слегка передернуло: я боюсь смерти и не хотел бы быть мертв даже на 0.2%. Но, может быть, моя ядобоязнь будет компенсирована красотой лица? Я же соглашаюсь на мышьяк в стоматологическом кабинете, чтобы не потерять все зубы. Опять, на этот раз внимательно, рассматриваю снимки. Все морщины, что есть на снимках «до», есть и на снимках «после». Только глубина их слегка уменьшилась (ведь женщины не улыбаются). В моей душе зародилась мысль: а не дурят ли меня? Но, решив, что в силу своей мужской природы я просто не способен заметить изменения, наверняка удовлетворившие женщин, я отогнал от себя тревогу и поднялся на второй этаж.

Первое, что бросилось в глаза, — коридор был полон женщин. Естественно, не мужчин. Мужчина и к обычному-то врачу обращается лишь в самом крайнем случае, что говорить о пластическом хирурге! Но через секунду я понял, что женщин не так много, как показалось мне в первый момент, а в два раза меньше. Всюду в коридоре висели зеркала. Даже двери были зеркальные. По мысли хозяев института, человек, пришедший на первичный прием, должен всюду видеть собственное несовершенство, чтоб ему было легче согласиться на операцию. После операции пациент уже в зеркало не взглянет. Среди ожидающих в очереди я заметил женщину, пришедшую на перевязку. Видимо, ей делали «пластику лица»: щеки, подбородок и лоб закрывал бандаж, синяки под глазами были надежно упрятаны под огромными солнцезащитными очками. Да, в таком виде в зеркало смотреть не рекомендуется. Слава Богу, это не надолго. В фильме «Без лица» бинты с Траволты сняли в тот же день. Чтобы не смущать женщину, я отвернулся к стене. Взгляд уперся в информационный щит, пестрящий фотографиями послеоперационных бандажей. Нашел я и такой, какой был на женщине. Оказалось, что носить его придется не день, как в кино, а больше месяца. Я похолодел. Это что же получается: человек месяц с лишним ходит на работу в сбруе или вовсе запирается дома, чтоб его никто не видел? А как же муж? Вид женщины в бигуди, которым обычно пугают карикатуристы женихов, по сравнению с этим — миленькая ерунда. Но взгляд мой продолжал блуждать по фотографиям, и очень скоро я заметил бандаж, применяемый после липоксации.

Кто не знает, объясню, что такое липоксация. Если вы недовольны своими габаритами, нет нужды в диетах, изнуряющих физических упражнениях и сложных операциях. Избыток жира из вас просто «откачают». Мне это показалось заманчивым, и даже то, что бандаж потом придется носить 4-5 месяцев(!), меня не расстроило: все-таки не на лице. Под одеждой коллеги не заметят. А муж стерпит все, деваться ему некуда. Но тут до моих ушей долетел смешок и обрывок фразы, заставивший меня прислушаться. Женщина как раз говорила о перенесенной ею процедуре липоксации. Оказалось, процедура невероятно болезненная. Это вам не ухо проколоть. Но ведь и эффект не тот. Слушаю дальше. Несколько месяцев, как и положено, женщина героически носила бандаж, мучилась от синяков, спала только в одной позе. Монахи, носящие вериги или власяницу, наверняка позавидовали бы подобному истязанию. Но мучения счастливой женщины длились не вечно. Через положенные полгода она сняла-таки бандаж, и… снова начала набирать жир. Естественно, ведь ни питание ее, ни образ жизни не изменился. Но вот только образовываться жир стал не везде, как раньше, а комками. Бедра счастливой покрылись кратерами, как поверхность луны. Доктора, не мешкая, предложили новую процедуру: заполнить кратеры гелем и таким образом выровнять поверхность. Женщина согласилась. Сколько процедур ей еще придется перенести — неизвестно, но она улыбалась и рассказывала свою историю в высшей степени оптимистично. Я позавидовал силе и здоровью ее духа, который базируется уже не в таком «здоровом», благодаря липоксации, теле. Вот у ее соседки дух был с надломом.

Она делала операцию по увеличению груди. Операция прошла успешно, но через некоторое время женщина заметила, что левая грудь стала несколько больше правой. Хирурги не растерялись, и ввели дополнительный имплантант в правую грудь. После второй операции заметно уступала уже левая грудь. Находчивые врачи предложили еще чуть увеличить отстающую. Женщина впервые задумалась. Вырисовывалась пугающая перспектива бесконечных, но тщетных попыток уравнять чаши (не весов).

Пластическая операция глазами мужчины

Никто добровольно не хочет становиться Майклом Джексоном. Но одно я себе уяснил: Майкл Джексон — не единичный случай. Пластика затягивает. И не только в том случае, когда неудачи предыдущей операции пытаются скрыть последующей. Но и в случае успеха. Если тебе сделали новый красивый нос, почему бы не завести еще и новый красивый разрез глаз? Сидевшая неподалеку женщина могла бы иллюстрировать собой оба случая.

Она пришла «делать ножки» (что это такое — толком не знаю; поскольку я подслушивал, у меня не было возможности уточнить). Женщина сидела как раз напротив той, на которой были очки и бандаж, и доставала ее. Она спрашивала, что именно ей делали, сколько это стоит, и пыталась всячески заглянуть за темные стекла очков, объясняя любопытство тем, что она тоже намерена вскорости «сделать глазки». Затравленная обладательница нового лица закрывалась руками и отворачивалась. На какое-то время внимание всех присутствующих было отвлечено вновь прибывшей женщиной. Было ей лет 60-70. Она никогда не делала пластических операций, и пришла узнать у врача, не поздно ли начать? Она вошла в кабинет лишь на несколько минут, после чего сразу ушла. Ее случай не стали долго обсуждать. Но женщине, решившей «сделать ножки», хотелось общения, а дама в очках на контакт уже не шла. Пришлось повернуться к другой женщине, у которой на носу был лепесток гипса. Новая собеседница была сразу запугана, что нос ей неминуемо испортят. В подтверждении был предъявлен собственный нос, который когда-то был «такой остренький, такой тоненький», а после операции стал «широкий такой». Коварный врач, якобы не предупредил ее, что укорочение носа приведет к его оптическому утолщению. Новая жертва стала отчаянно отбиваться: с ее носом все в порядке! Вот только дети, играя, сдвинули гипсик, и теперь она боится, как бы носик не искривился. И еще, когда она чихает, то из носа вылетают швы. Мне стало холодно. Я живо представил себе невесту Франкенштейна, всю в шрамах. Нет, это было уже слишком. Я в последний раз на миг отразился в зеркале — несовершенный и испуганный — и бросился наутек.

В переулке я нагнал женщину 60-70 лет, которая спрашивала у врача разрешения на пластику. Женщина как раз входила в церковь. Видимо врач посоветовал ей подумать о душе. Ведь смотри — не смотри, важно то, что внутри. Вы меня понимаете, я, конечно, имею в виду не силикон.

Источник: kleo.ru

1469 КОММЕНТАРИИ

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  158. Hands down, Apple’s app store wins by a mile. It’s a huge selection of all sorts of apps vs a rather sad selection of a handful for Zune. Microsoft has plans, especially in the realm of games, but I’m not sure I’d want to bet on the future if this aspect is important to you. The iPod is a much better choice in that case.

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  161. Zune and iPod: Most people compare the Zune to the Touch, but after seeing how slim and surprisingly small and light it is, I consider it to be a rather unique hybrid that combines qualities of both the Touch and the Nano. It’s very colorful and lovely OLED screen is slightly smaller than the touch screen, but the player itself feels quite a bit smaller and lighter. It weighs about 2/3 as much, and is noticeably smaller in width and height, while being just a hair thicker.

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  169. Between me and my husband we’ve owned more MP3 players over the years than I can count, including Sansas, iRivers, iPods (classic & touch), the Ibiza Rhapsody, etc. But, the last few years I’ve settled down to one line of players. Why? Because I was happy to discover how well-designed and fun to use the underappreciated (and widely mocked) Zunes are.

  170. The new Zune browser is surprisingly good, but not as good as the iPod’s. It works well, but isn’t as fast as Safari, and has a clunkier interface. If you occasionally plan on using the web browser that’s not an issue, but if you’re planning to browse the web alot from your PMP then the iPod’s larger screen and better browser may be important.

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  173. The Zune concentrates on being a Portable Media Player. Not a web browser. Not a game machine. Maybe in the future it’ll do even better in those areas, but for now it’s a fantastic way to organize and listen to your music and videos, and is without peer in that regard. The iPod’s strengths are its web browsing and apps. If those sound more compelling, perhaps it is your best choice.

  174. If you’re still on the fence: grab your favorite earphones, head down to a Best Buy and ask to plug them into a Zune then an iPod and see which one sounds better to you, and which interface makes you smile more. Then you’ll know which is right for you.

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  177. Apple now has Rhapsody as an app, which is a great start, but it is currently hampered by the inability to store locally on your iPod, and has a dismal 64kbps bit rate. If this changes, then it will somewhat negate this advantage for the Zune, but the 10 songs per month will still be a big plus in Zune Pass’ favor.

  178. Between me and my husband we’ve owned more MP3 players over the years than I can count, including Sansas, iRivers, iPods (classic & touch), the Ibiza Rhapsody, etc. But, the last few years I’ve settled down to one line of players. Why? Because I was happy to discover how well-designed and fun to use the underappreciated (and widely mocked) Zunes are.

  179. I’ll gear this review to 2 types of people: current Zune owners who are considering an upgrade, and people trying to decide between a Zune and an iPod. (There are other players worth considering out there, like the Sony Walkman X, but I hope this gives you enough info to make an informed decision of the Zune vs players other than the iPod line as well.)

  180. The Zune concentrates on being a Portable Media Player. Not a web browser. Not a game machine. Maybe in the future it’ll do even better in those areas, but for now it’s a fantastic way to organize and listen to your music and videos, and is without peer in that regard. The iPod’s strengths are its web browsing and apps. If those sound more compelling, perhaps it is your best choice.

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  202. Zune and iPod: Most people compare the Zune to the Touch, but after seeing how slim and surprisingly small and light it is, I consider it to be a rather unique hybrid that combines qualities of both the Touch and the Nano. It’s very colorful and lovely OLED screen is slightly smaller than the touch screen, but the player itself feels quite a bit smaller and lighter. It weighs about 2/3 as much, and is noticeably smaller in width and height, while being just a hair thicker.

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